imabitch

last night i dreamt the both
of us talking just like the
good OLD days. oh well.

anyways!
i just came back from
the real shaolin kungfu show
at the singapore expo earlier
with my family. it was all good!
mr and mrs nathan was there
with their grandchildren. so you
can imagine the number of police
standing and guarding the place.
hahah! and oohhh. mr nathan's
grandson is cute! haha.

alright anyways!
i have been constantly
trying to run away from
mstjl whenever i see her
in school, cos i dont want
to go for counselling or
what-so-ever.

however, she kinda told mr
tang to excuse me from
tomorrows PC lesson just
to have counselling with her.
OMG!

i dont even know what i should
say or rather what i should tell
her. but i'm certain that she already
knows some of the things that have
been troubling me.

but whatever it is, i hope
she wouldnt make things
worse for me.

sometimes i wonder.
is it wrong trying to
claim the friendship
i lost with someone
all back?

i just wanna be friends.
not anything more,
not anything less.
is that possible?

so many things affecting me.
day after day, i'm bottling it up
inside of me. sometimes i start
questioning myself; how long is
this gonna carry on for? how
much longer can i hold?

one day i'm definitely gonna break
down badly, real bad in fact.

deep down inside, i am weak and i know
for a fact that i do need help. yet on the outside,
i appear to be strong, to be able to settle the problems
by myself, without the help of any others.

SHAKEIT wanted me to go for
counselling and i rejected her
offer. instead, more and more
problems start arising, one after
another. i'm really so tired, and
i can barely hold on tight any longer.
i'm seriously on the verge of giving
everything up, and if i can...
myself as well.

i just dont see the point anymore.

posted by stacey @ Thursday, April 28, 2005